Hollywood has gone to far. What won’t get rebooted at this point? This year alone they released Oceans 8, Jurassic World, Ma Mamia, The First Purge, The Predator, A Star Is Born, Johnny English (Out of all movies, why was that remade?), The Grinch, Mary Poppins, and ANOTHER GOD DAMN TRANSFORMER MOVIE. (No I will not mention Incredibles 2. It was fantastic). In the year 2019 we will be getting Toy Story 4, Aladdin, Pet Sematary, Star Wars Episode IX, a Lion King remake, and another Shrek. THEY ARE REBOOTING SHREK. Not enough for you? Planned remakes and reboots past 2019 include but are not limited to: Ace Ventura, Dirty Dancing, War Games, American Psycho, Voltron, A Nightmare on Elm Street, Charlie’s Angels, and, I shit you not, Flash Gordon.
IS NOTHING SACRED. The sheer volume of reboots isn’t something to be taken lightly. It’s a clear indicator of the laziness and decline of creativity in Hollywood and their ability to prey on our nostalgia. They use the fond memories of movies and shows from our past to extract money from us and it’s disgusting. Where does it end? Do we reboot Indiana Jones? Do we reboot Spongebob Squarepants? Harry Potter? Is there no line those money hungry media monsters aren’t willing to cross?
A lot of people like to say that I’m just whining. That I’m getting angry over nothing but think about all that was ruined. Remember the mediocrity of The Amazing Spiderman? Remember the god awful Ghostbusters reboot? They screwed up Fantastic 4 just like that! And let’s not forget what they did to the Terminator franchise. But the worst of the worst was what really got me. It was the first reboot that opened my eyes up to the true cancer that is rebooting. The Anti-Christ of Hollywood and the demon king of reboots, M. Night Shyamalan’s “The Last Airbender” I mean how dare they! “Avatar: The Last Airbender” was hands down my favorite show growing up. I remember heading to the theater the day of the movie came out, I was innocent then. I was filled with glee, excited to see my favorite childhood characters up on the big screen in a live action movie but when the movie started… my whole world flipped upside down. Black was white, up was down, good was evil, it was an atrocity. They took everything special and unique about the show and made boring and mundane. I couldn’t believe my eyes.
It wouldn’t stop there. Holly Wood would go on to ruin Indiana Jones with Crystal Skull. Later on they killed my childhood heros, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo by making them depressing hermits in the new Star Wars trilogy. Not only is Hollywood using our nostalgia to squeeze money out of us, but they’re destroying everything we once loved. How much more are we supposed to take?
Listen, I get that making money is cool but do it with some god damn decency. I am aware that reboots and remakes are a safer bet from a financial point of view. There’s a preexisting fan base which acts as a dependable base to support the film and that’s fine. Reboots were fine at one point. The Dark Knight trilogy is a prime example of the potential certain reboots have. There is, however, a difference between a good movie and a cash grab. There needs to be some sort of standard or excuse to reboot a series. Is there a need to continue the story? Will the reboot explore new concepts? Is it just a cash grab? If something has potential to be good than rebooting could be the answer. I mean Incredibles 2 was fantastic because the creators took the time to make sure that they were creating a good worthwhile movie that was not only an enjoyable watch, but also had a place in developing the story and the characters with in it. Don’t just make a fucking Minions movie and tarnish the good name of Despicable Me.
There is something to be said for original content. Think about how well Avatar did in the box office. It was a completely orginal idea that did fantastic. Do we not take risks anymore? We need to make original content a thing again! Marvel is making billions of dollars every year! Why? Because they took a risk and tried something new. They created a cinematic universe with movies that connected and coincided with one another. Risk is involved in any business for true success.
We need to take action. We must join together and figure out a way to cure this disease that has plagued our media. We need to stand up tall and fix this shit. No longer can we see a movie because we “really liked the show growing up” or “it’s based off a fantastic movie from 20 years ago” No! We will judge movie not based on that of which they were based off but the quality of their own plots! This is no joking matter, brothers and sisters, because if this isn’t stopped now than we could kiss our original content goodbye.
Rise up in the comments below and share how you think we could cure America and the world of this disease.
This is part one of a Toilet Reads first series! Click here to read Episode II to of the Reboot Chronicles!
Click here to read Episode III
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