↑Ups & ↓Downs

Welcome to the qucikest type of review, Ups and Downs! A couple of pros and a couple of cons.

Click on over for a fresh Ups and Down! From movies to news updates to books we’ll be sure to review you something worthy of the Toilet Reads seal of approval!

April 18th, 2020

Quarantine

↑Ups:

• I learned to bake
• I’ve developed a perfect scone recipe
• I learned to make kick ass dumplings from scratch
• I made an herb garden
• I picked up fishing
• I started working out again
• I’m up to date on all my shows
• I started playing DnD

↓Downs:

• I’m so lonely
• I’m so bored
• I have literal dreams of human contact
• So bored
• Losing my mind
• …

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March 12th, 2020

Coco

(I know it took me too long to see this movie but better late than never)

↑Ups:

• That sound track. Not only is each song a banger but it totally incorporates an authentic Mexican music vibe
• Ernesto Delacruz death was hilarious
• Miguel singing Remember Me to his grandma made me tear
• Proud Corazon is an amazing song
• The land of the dead was a stunning visual masterpiece and an animation achievement
• Pixar is out here lookin to punch you right in the gut so get ready for emotions
• The Pixar Theory is totally real and supported by this film

↓Downs:

• The Big reveal about Miguel’s grandpa is super obvious
• The dog spirit animal thing was lame
• Very predictable plot
• It’s a solid movie, I don’t have much…

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February 24th, 2020

Knives Out

↑Ups:

• Daniel Craig’s accent
• Benoit Blanc is a fun name
• Ransom was a hilariously fun character. Great to see Chris Evans Play the douche for once
• The dialog was witty and fun

↓Downs:

• Daniel Craig’s accent
• Jaime Lee Curtis was super annoying
• Plot wasn’t super engaging. It was structured in a way where everything seemed obvious until the last 10 minutes
• The film’s title in no way reflects the film
• Movie wasn’t bad but it’s definitely overrated

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February 10th, 2020

Frozen 2 [SPOILER FREE]

↑Ups:

• Olaf was delightful as expected
• Solid animation
• The Olaf song was great
• OLAF’S RECAP
• Little fire lizard was cute
• Anna and Elsa’s new outfits

↓Downs:

• Anna was so annoying
• Songs were meh
• Christoph was pretty much snubbed the entire movie
• There was no clear objective or direction
• I already forgot what this movie was about
• Wasn’t awful but you definitely don’t have to see it

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January 20th, 2020

Murder Mystery (Netflix Movie) [SPOILER FREE]:

↑Ups:

• Jennifer Aniston
• That weird cop in the beginning
• Usual fugly Adam Sandler is married to gorgeous woman trope

↓Downs:

• This movie is awful
• It’s so sad that the guy who made Billy Madison, Happy Gilmore, and Zohan has degraded himself to such low quality horse shit movies
• The plot was boring
• Dead ass, I didn’t laugh once
• If you were considering giving Uncut Gems a chance because everyone said it was good and think Sandler is back on top you will be disappointed
• Waste of life
• This movie for real has no redeeming qualities
• All the ↑Ups were lies

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January 6th, 2020

The Witcher [Spoiler Free!]

↑Ups:

• A+ Music
• Some of the best action I’ve seen in a while
• The CGI and effects are good, something I didn’t expect from Netflix
• The acting is exceptional
• Geralt is a fun and likable character
• The Bard is hilarious
• They really spared no expense on the production and it shows
• They weren’t afraid to be to nerdy

↓Downs:

• What the fuck is going on?
• So. Much. Magic. Jargon.
• The Law of Surprise?… come on
• The show is good but I’m not on the edge of my seat
• It doesn’t get good until episode three or four
• Just call her Jennifer.

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December 23rd, 2019

Star Wars Episode IX: Rise of Skywalker [SPOILERS]

↑Ups:

• The score, as always
• If you turn your mind off, it’s a pleasant way to kill time and enjoy stunning visuals and cool fights
• Who had sex with Emperor Palpatine?
• Bobu Frik was a diamond in the rough
• The first sequel trilogy is over
• Palpatine repeating all of his most memed quotes

↓Downs:

• Literally the only thing Episode VIII had going for it was that it showed that you don’t need to have special parents in order to be a Jedi because the force is for everyone but they said “Fuck that!” and made Rey a Palpatine
• Who the shit did Emperor Palpatine fuck?
• This could have been a standalone movie. Nothing in this was set up
• So to the never ending list of new force powers from the sequels we have force healing and and the… teleportation of items? What the fuck
• fORcE DuLogY is the lamest plot device I’ve seen in a while
• They didn’t even try to explain how Palpatine is alive
• They didn’t do anything to set up Rey’s yellow lightsaber which has no meaning
• All the Grey Jedi stuff was just a tease I guess
• They didn’t even bother to set any of this up. It’s like they made shit up on the fly
• Are you telling me that Palpatine made a dagger that lines up with Death Star wreckage and leads you to his evil Sith planet?
• What was the point of any of this?
• ‘riSe oF SKywaLkER’ is still a stupid ass tittle for a Star Wars movie

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December 16th, 2019

Watchmen (TV Series) [SPOILER FREE]

↑Ups:

• Best show of 2019!
• Very faithful to the source material
• It’s a sequel rather than a reboot. A lot of this type of stuff ends up just being a rehash of the source material but here we got some original quality content that was super faithful to the source material
• All of the characters were so great that my least favorite character was the main character which is saying something #NoDisrespectToSisterNight
• There were no dead end plot lines. Everything was connected
• Peteypedia. A new memo or article every week pertaining to the episode that furthered the plot and our understanding was something that took what was already the best show of 2019 even further
• One of the best shows I’ve seen in a long long time
• Thr L Trifecta: LOOKING GLASS, LUBEMAN, and Laurie Blake
• Laurie calling Looking Glass “Mirror Guy” was my favorite
• Also, no one fell shorty when it came to the acting

↓Downs:

• It makes it hard to criticize it because it’s just that good (I’ll do my best)
• What is this new thing HBO is doing with the whole less than ten episode seasons?
• That subreddit is awesome but a big chunk of those guy are toxic
• You kind of have to read the comic to truly appreciate this masterpiece
• The last think Laurie and Looking Glass did (It’s spoiler free but if you watched the show, you know what I’m talking about)

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December 2nd, 2019

‘Black Widow’ trailer

↑Ups:

• That music!!! Big ‘Winter Soldier’ vibes
• White Black Widow suit?!!?
• Hopper as Russian Captain America
• Scarlet Johanson is gorgeous. Exhibit A: 1:45 of the trailer
• That cool skydiving fight
• TASK MASTER
• That logo

↓Downs:

• The opening looked fan made, using those movie clips
• The sisters bad accent
• They only give us one shot of Task Master and he’s using a bow and arrow? I don’t want to see evil Hawkeye, give Task Master cooler weapons

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November 18th, 2019

Dunkin Donuts Beyond Sausage Breakfast Sandwich

↑Ups:

• Filling
• Tastes like a mediocre/overcooked BBQ hamburger
• Good for the environment
• Goes great with coffee
• Quick

↓Downs:

• Unhealthy. These fake meats have more fat and less protein than meat
• Heavy
• Has an interesting aroma
• I shouldn’t be spending $8 for it and a coffee

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November 4th, 2019

JoJo Rabbit

↑Ups:

• Best movie of the year
• A+ humor
• Great plot
• Waititi chose a dangerous topic to make a comedy about but never once went over the line
• The message of love overcoming hate… just wow
• The relationship between JoJo and Elsa was magnificient
• Showing where certain hate comes from and how to overcome it
• Fantastic soundtrack
• ‘Helden’ by David Bowie

↓Downs:

• Can a movie be too good?
• I went into the movie expecting a comedy and ended up on the brink of tears 45 minutes in
• It ended
• Not fair to the other movies because it was just so amazing

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September 23rd

Moana (I just saw it)

↑Ups:

• Maui was delightful
• The hawaian culture was interesting
• cool plot
• ‘You’re Welcome’ was a banger
• Animation on point as expected
• Maui’s hook weapon was super cool
• I really would like Maui spin off movie

↓Downs:

• ‘Shiny’
• Most of the songs were overrated
• The grandma
• Overrated movie in general. I went in thinking it would blow be away but it was only okay

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September 9th, 2019

The Boys (SPOILERS)

↑Ups:

• Love the idea of the show. Superhero TV and Media have been done so much so it’s fun to see a fresh take
• Very big Watchmen vibes
• Love the whole play on the Justice League
• Hughy killing translucent
• Frenchie
• Homelander is a sick villain
• Madelyn Stillwell’s death

↓Downs:

• Billy Butchers accent
• I liked touching on superhero sex but they went wayyy too far
• Could used a couple more episodes to flesh out the story
• The big twist was a little to predictable (except for her keeping baby Homelander which was neat)

All in all good show. Watch it

August 19th, 2019

Stranger Things Season 3

↑Ups:

• Dustin
• Steve
• Dustin and Steve
• No one believing that Dustin had girlfriend
• Dustin singing Never Ending Story
• Steve developing as a character
• Also the story was fun and engaging with excellent humor

↓Downs:

• Mike being brat
• Will being a bitch
• Lucas’s little sister
• Mike and Lucas being bad friends
• Hopper acting like a psychopath

All in all it was an okay season and I’ll probably watch season 4

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August 5th, 2019

Spiderman: Far From Home (SPOILERS)

↑Ups:

• Mysterio was fucking incredible. As a nerd, I knew he was going to be evil but watching his plan formulate was still awesome
• Zendaya’s MJ was super original and the love story was much different than the usual superhero love story and it was great
• Ned and Betty – I could have watched an entire movie only about them
• Action was A+
• Comedy was A++
• J. JONAH FREAKIN JAMESON ROLE REPRISED BY J.K SIMMONS?!?!?!

↓Downs:

• Nick Fury winds up being a skrull. While I do like that it fills in the plot wholes of why he wasn’t as smart as usual throughout the movie and proves a couple of theories I… it bugs me but it wasn’t actually that bad. Not so many downs for this movie, I’m really reaching here.
• I would have liked to see Vulture in a post credit. What’s he up to?
• While it was funny, the whole Brad story line was pretty lame. Especially the end part where he has a perfectly sound argument for why Peter is weird. But fuck Brad, he’s a dick
• As fun as their relationship was, it would have been cool to see Peter pick being Spiderman over happiness and initially reject MJ and hold off them getting together until next movie.

June 25th, 2019

Toy Story 4

↑Ups:

• Dealing with real life issues like the feeling of no longer having a purpose
• Classic Pixar blend of tear jerking and comedy
• Expanding the Toy Story Universe outside of a child’s bedroom or toy store
• Bo Peep being a fucking badass
• Combat Carl’s high five arc
• Duke Caboom
• Gaby Gaby helping the little girl find her mom
• THE ENTIRE MOVIE

↓Downs:

• Nothing
• There are no downs
• I came in thinking it would be bad and was surprised in the best way
• I refuse to complain about this movie
• …
• I could of used more Buzz, Ham, and Rex. BUT IT DOESN’T MATTER BECAUSE THE MOVIE WAS FANTASTIC JUST THE WAY IT IS

July 22nd, 2019

Black Mirror Season 5

↑Ups:

• E2 – Eric Foreman/Topher Grace playing a businessman as himself
• E2 – Even though the plot was predictable yet still engaging
• E2 – Lol he was an intern
• E3 – Miley Cyrus was Fantastic
• E3 – Loved the concept and plot
• E3 – Felt like a Disney movie but in a good way
• E3 – Pretty blatant attack on Disney

↓Downs:

• E1 – Did not make any sense
• E1 – Why was the sex only good in the game with that specific guy?
• E1 – I’d like the episode more if at least one of them turned out to be gay or bisexual
• E2 – Predictable
• E2 – Random old lady sex side plot
• E3 – They never got into little blonde girl’s side plot. They set up this whole thing where this bullshit inspirational teen pop star told did her bullshit motivation that lead to her embarrassing herself. Where’s the follow up?

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July 1st, 2019:

Dark Phoenix (X-Men)

↑Ups:

• Michael Fastbender Magneto is always a treat
• Sansa Stark as Jean Grey is also solid
• That New York fight was awesome
• They killed Raven! Fuckin Katpiss Everdeen was just the worst

↓Downs:

• WHY IS BEAST ABLE TO GO BACK FROM BEAST MODE TO HUMAN AT WILL?! None of that makes sense. First off, two movies ago he needed a serum to do it. Second, and more importantly, he is a teacher at a school for children who has uncontrollable mutations and he subdues his? Should he not be showing that it’s okay to look different rather than being ashamed of his own mutation. Stupid ass shit.
• Why is beast the head of the school at the end?
• Why would they name the school after Jean? I get that it wasn’t her fault but other than killing Raven she didn’t really do much good
• They really scummed over Charles
• The movie would have been a lot better if they built up characters like Scott and Jean in prior movies so when this movie happened we actually cared about them

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June 18th, 2019:

Star War Episode IX: Rise of Skywalker Trailer

↑Ups:

• Old Lando laugh
• Ghost Luke
• Kylo stuff
• The beauty that is Daisy Riddly
• No Rose
• Palatine Laugh

↓Downs:

• Rey has a regular blue lightsaber instead of a two sided yellow one like I wanted
• Why is Palatine back?
• ‘riSe oF SKywaLkER’ is a stupid ass tittle for a Star Wars movie. Episodes I though VI are literally about the rise of two separate Skywalkers. Enough. Enough with the Skywalkers.

For those of you who haven’t seen it: