From the blog that blog that brought you “Endless Reboots” comes the sequel the people didn’t ask for: “Reboots II: The Desolation of Disney” coming to the internet TODAY!
I know I already made my rant about how much I hate reboots and the damage it’s doing to the creative community but there is so much more to this problem than one post could cover. That is why I decided to change “Endless Reboots” from a stand alone quality post to a non-ironic series of rants about the terror that is reboots and sequels. Part one, otherwise known as “Endless Reboots” tackles the broad scope of the issue so give it a read if you get a chance. Today I’ll be focusing on the specific issue of Disney’s remakes. Let’s jump in.
Who the hell asked for this? This shit is simply getting out of hand. No person on this planet needs to see their childhood movies regurgitated in live action form. Disney will stop a nothing to earn an extra buck in any way they can and it’s simply nauseating. Is nothing sacred?!
I just saw the trailer for the new Aladdin movie and I wanted to puke. Why would anyone go to the theater and pay to see that? Do you really think that Will Smith, a man who’s career peeked in the 90’s and early 2000’s, could top Robin Williams portrayal of Genie? Is that supposed to be a fucking improvement? Why try to improve something that is already perfect. They are doing a play by play reenactment of an already perfect movie so what’s the point? I could just rewatch the original version and get the same story. I’ll probably enjoy watching it more than I’ll enjoy this shitty remake.
What about Lion King? They’re remaking it under the guise of live action when in reality it’s all CGI because news flash LIONS CAN’T ACT. It’s basically just a extra realistic cartoon and if they’re revamping it as a cartoon than what’s the point? There is no reason to be remaking Lion King again! They already sucked it dry with all of the shitty sequels and prequels they made. Lion King 2 was forgettable at best and Lion King ½ was basically Lion King 1 with a feature length Timon and Pumba side plot to capitalize on the popularity of Hakuna Matata. They even made a TV show spinoff called The Lion Guard which I could only imagine was awful. We already got a revamp of Lion King, in fact we got two of them! Try to convince me that “Black Panther” and “Frozen” weren’t just loose adaptations of Lion King. I dare you.
This shit needs to stop. Disney already tried and failed to remake movies like Tarzan and The Jungle Book, but they won’t stop there. They have planned live action remakes for Dumbo, Lilo and Stitch, Lady and the Tramp, The Little Mermaid, The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Pinocchio, and a Cruella spinoff (which is apparently a One Hundred and One Dalmatians which seems ridiculously unnecessary). If Disney makes the Shrek reboot as a live action movie a part of me will die on the inside.
Disney, I am begging you, stop this madness. You have so much more going for you right now. We are living in the golden age of comic book movies thanks to the domination of Marvel movies. The new Star Wars movies which, despite being a mindless cash grab that is ruining my childhood heros… on second thought no. What you guys are doing to Star Wars is inexcusable. But there is other original content you guys are making that is super profitable as well. Ralph Breaks The Internet did great, Incredible 2 blew our minds, and Toy Story 3 was so good that we are giving Toy Story 4 a free pass. Avengers: Infinity War had one of the top five highest grossing box office of all time! You guys are doing so well, do you really need to ruin these classic childhood movies? I’d be happier if you guys just re-released them in theaters again at this point!. Why can’t you just be happy with what you have? Why must you suck our childhood dry just to earn an extra penny? Disney, you are better than this so for the love of god just put an end to this madness.
Click here to read Reboots I: Endless Reboots
Reboots III will be coming next week. Scroll to the bottom and subscribe to be the first to know when it’s out!
Comment what issues in the realm of reboots and sequels that you’d like to see tackled! You could also email us at TalkToToiletReads@gmail.com to give your input and ideas!