The Worst Thing Ever

Today I hit my knee against a table while I was leaving a pizza shop. They say giving birth is the worst pain a person could feel. Ha!. Those ten seconds of pure agony following my knee hitting that God forsaken table was the worst pain I, or anyone else for that matter, has ever suffered. It hurt more than I ever thought something could hurt.

It was as if a volcano of pain erupted in the middle of my knee, spreading throughout my body. If I had to choose between a nuclear holocaust ravaging our small blue planet and sending us back to the stone age or banging my knee again I would choose the former without hesitation. Banging your knee on a table is almost as bad as stepping on a lego. That shit stings. I don’t, however, want to discount the sheer amount of pain that was coursing through my leg. It hurt… a lot.

As I fell to the ground, wailing in agony as a bead of sweat slowly trickled down my cheek I wondered, “Why does god hate me? Why do bad things happen to good people? Is this penance? Am I paying for a sin that I never atoned for?” I’m not one to cry over spilled milk but only God knows how much my knee was hurting at that moment. Imagine the emotional torment of watching a bear maul your fiance. Now multiply that feeling by ten. That’s how my knee felt.

I stayed on that pizza shop chair holding my injured knee for maybe ten minutes trying to imagine what foul deed could have warranted karma to strike me with such ill fate. It was like the great Greek goddess Artemis had shot me in the knee with an arrow and then Zeus dropped down from the heavens and unleashed the greatest bolt of lightning man has ever seen at said arrow.

In moments like that you start to question the very meaning of life. Why do I bother? What’s the point of living in a world when pain like this is simply inevitable? Wouldn’t it be easier to end it all? I shit you not, I’d rather have jumped off the Empire State Building and fracture every bone in my body than relive that horrific moment in that pizza shop.

Nevertheless, like the hero that I am, I persevere. Like Mohammed Ali getting up from what should’ve been a finishing blow I rise from that pizza store and I move forward. Was the pain comparable to shoving my knee in a blender? Of course but that won’t stop me. When the world pushes you down you need to get back up. Like a knight from legends of past, I rise from my injury stronger and wiser than before. I galavant out of that pizza shop ready to try again. Life could be tough but I am tougher.

Despite all the shit that life has thrown at me I still fight. No matter how many table tops, legos, or old women who take forever to make their orders at Dunkin Donuts  lay in my path I still move forward.

I am a fighter, are you?

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