The other day my friend, who we’ll call Jane, was whining about not being able to meet a nice guy. She was going on and on about how hard it is to find a nice guy in New York City and at one point she said “Why do I even bother? Every time I try I get knocked down.” Initially I didn’t think much about the statement and just let Jane tire herself out while attempting to finish off my burger, silently wondering if she realizes she’s whining to a self proclaimed good guy. Later on I started thinking about what she had to say. What she said didn’t sit well with me. “Why do I bother?”
It’s actually a great question. Why do we bother? Life is tough and we usually don’t succeed. I mean let’s take Jane’s situation. Let’s say Jane actually meets a nice guy, let’s say she actually meets this knight in shining armor she’s dreaming of, what are the chances that prince charming will settle for her? She’s great and all, but she ain’t perfect. Let’s even take a stretch and say she finds a great guy and they start a relationship. Have you ever seen a relationship without garbage truck loads of drama and problems? Of course not. So the question remains, why bother?
Life, when you boil down to its core, is just a never ending cycle of being confronted with more and more problems. Right when you solve one another one comes at you from behind to smack you in the back of the head with an oversized ACME™ mallet. Life is an endless shit cycle so why bother? Well the answer is right in the question. Don’t bother.
Who needs goals? Who needs aspirations? Just get an easy low paying job that allows you to get by because you wouldn’t wanna risk failing. Stop dating because that shit is expensive and the chance of heart break is through the roof. While you’re at it drop out of that basketball league because you’re not good and will probably just embarrass yourself. Video games, family, relationships, and friends? Pfft, not worth it. The chance that you are to get let down or fail in those arenas are simply too high and not worth it. Don’t bother.
Keep it simple. Get an easy job, nothing over the top, just something to pay the bills with. Just make enough to afford a tub of Ben & Jerry’s Half Baked per night and a Netflix account. Sure, you could go out to a bar with friends, hang out with your family, or go to a party and meet someone but may I remind you of the high chance of heartbreak and misery in all of those options? Plus, Netflix has all of “The Office” and is coming out with “Stranger Things” season 3 in July. I know it’s a long wait but you could rewatch seasons 1 & 2 while you’re waiting. Don’t bother with any of that social shit.
Taking chances, putting yourself out there, and trying new things are simply overrated. Why try to climb when you could fall? Why get up only to be knocked down? Why do anything in the grand scheme of things? I mean unless you are Elon Musk or Paul McCartney, your name and everything you ever did will be completely forgotten in less than three generations, probably less. My advice to Jane? If she is constantly failing and getting hurt from trying to find someone to love and start a family with than just stop trying. As a matter of fact, why should any of us bother with anything that makes us feel anything less than content? Next time any of your moms asks you to go out for dinner, make up an excuse and warm up that cup of ramen. Chalk up the flirtatious punch in the arm your coworker laid on you to a throwback to high school. Bail on that concert with your pals so you could curl up into that big furry cover you love so much and strap in for a Seinfeld marathon. Just….
Don’t bother.
Toilet Reads! 